A Blast from the Past

Gophers Honored by Sports Illustrated in Listing of Top 25 Non-Drug-Related Athletic Scandals - We're in the Top Ten!

[Downloadable (Word) version available on Best of Bonzo]

Mr. B. has previously quoted Mr. S. : " The evil that men do lives after them; the good is oft interred with their bones." The Gophers have a heavy load to bear in this regard because of past athletic transgressions.

We have accomplished our ambitious aspirations to be one of the top public universities in something, unfortunately it has thus far been athletic cheating. The only other college level athletic scandal to rank above us in the top 25 is the basketball point-shaving scandal of the 1950s. The shame that Gopher basketball cheating under Haskins has brought to BigU should not be forgotten in the midst of the current infatuation of OurLeader with athletics as the engine driving future fundraising efforts.

Speaking about the latest saviour of Gopher athletics, Tubby Smith, one of the celebrity ink stained wretches of GemCities (that would be Sid Hartman) informed us: "The truth of the matter is that Smith, 55, would not have even been interested in the job unless he was encouraged by close friend Clem Haskins, who proved you can win at Minnesota." Arghh...Bonzo circuits going down, down, down, please push reset.

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Thank you. So Sid, are you saying that the way Clem Haskins did this is ok? Is this little fuss about academics just the proverbial tempest in a teapot? Is BigU's main function to produce bread and circuses? Lord, love a duck.

Infamous Non-Drug-Related Scandals

10 of 25

Minnesota's basketball program committed academic fraud for years under former-coach Clem Haskins. Haskins accepted a $1.5 million buyout in June of 1999 and the university faced a four-year probation and had to vacate its postseason records from the 1993-98 as well as any individual or team honors won during that time.

Ah, even when you screw up at BigU, apparently you can get a 1.5 mil buyout, and that was back in '99 when a mil was real money. But never fear, folks, Joltin' Joel Maturi, BigU AD, is on the case. After the latest scandal in one of the big three revenue producing sports (football, basketball and hockey) he and the new football coach are going to clean things up in Gopher athletics: "I am in full support of the decision of Coach Brewster and I appreciate how he has handled this very difficult situation," Maturi said in the statement. "While this issue is deeply disappointing, the Athletics Department is sending a clear and unmistakable message that it will never compromise its code of conduct."

OurLeader was conspicuously absent during this latest outbreak of hypocritical athletic pomposity, probably off lecturing the gullible about: "One of my key concerns will be the academic issues related to student learning, academic progress and graduation," he said. "We need to do a much better job in ensuring that our students actually graduate when they come as Division I student-athletes." And to have the nerve to say something like this after, as the Star Tribune reported last fall, academics among the Gophers football team under Mason were at the bottom in the Big Ten, with more at-risk students admitted into the Minnesota program than just about any Big Ten school, and with graduation rates the lowest in the conference, especially among African-American athletes.” Should we do as you do, Mr. President, or as you say?

How many times are we going to have to hear something like this again? Actions speak louder than words and at this point more words just aren't going to do it. Please pipe down and demonstrate some integrity. Or is this really just about the money? What's it going to be at BigU, the medallion or the Yugo?

One disgusted gopher - Mr. Bonzo