Saturday, May 22, 2010

Excellent Satiric Piece by Maureen Dowd...

(Mrs. Bonzo, who went to Smith, egged me on.)

From the NYT:

Sent: Friday, May 14, 2010 9:38 AM

To: Obama supporters

Subject: A reason to smile.

Folks —

This week, when the president first told me he’d chosen Elena Kagan to serve on the Supreme Court, I couldn’t help but smile. I met her 20 years ago, when she took a break from teaching school and chasing guys to join my staff in the Senate, and even back then, it was easy to picture her in a black robe.

She went to Harvard, not Smith. It’s Elena, not Ellen. She barely drives, much less a Subaru. She’s never been spotted at Home Depot or the Meow Mix bar. And she doesn’t have Ani DiFranco on her iPod.

She never watches the Rachel Maddow show. By 9 p.m., Elena’s usually snuggled up in bed in a lacy peach peignoir, scrawling “Mrs. George Clooney” in the margins of Blackstone’s Commentaries.

Don’t bother trying to get her out for dinner on a Monday night when “Dancing With the Stars” is on. Her heart belongs to Maksim Chmerkovskiy’s abs!

Ignore those wicked whispers about her sexual orientation. I cannot categorically assure you that she never flirted with another young woman when she was at Princeton. But I can categorically assure you that if she did, it would only have been to impress the cute guy in her Philosophy 101 seminar.

Elena dated some of Eliot Spitzer’s friends at Princeton because her real ambition was to be “The Good Wife.” But now she’s ready to settle for being The Supreme Justice.

Elena is anything but a history-making, barrier-breaking, proud, strong, happy gay woman. She’s a garden-variety, sad, scary, single, childless career woman who can’t get a man because she’s too smart, works too much and refuses to settle.

One last thing I’d like to straighten out: Elena didn’t invite conservatives like Antonin Scalia to come visit at Harvard because she’s a conciliator. She just thinks Republican men are more dishy. When she made a courtesy call on Scott Brown the other day, she told him he was a hottie with a smokin’ little body. As our solicitor general, she’s had some notable tangles with Chief Justice John Roberts over briefs. But it’s just sexual tension.

Please give us your support to put this extraordinary — and extraordinarily straight — nominee in the judicial nunnery with Sonia:

Trust me — the only secret Elena has is Victoria’s.

Thank you,

Vice President Joe Biden.

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