Why are Rain Drops Round,
What's the Right one Baby, and
What is the Structure of H2SO4 + HOH ?

Mr. Bonzo walked over to Coffman Union today at about 3 pm. There was an eery quiet although students were doing homework and sitting around outside Coffman strangely subdued. Across Washington Avenue on the mall at BigU the students who normally would have been there on a nice April day were nowhere to be seen. There were numerous police cars with flashing lights and yellow plastic tape could be seen in front of Kolthoff Hall, Smith Hall, and the Library. A copycat bomb scare earlier in the afternoon had required evacuation of many of the buildings on the mall. There were no students outside on the mall because of an email, posted earlier, requesting that they not congregate there.

Mr. Bonzo thought back to the early seventies when he was a rookie TA in the O-chem lab. One afternoon there was an explosion during his lab session and he had to do a forced evacuation. He had to manhandle one particularly uncooperative student in order to accomplish this. For some reason the student refused to leave and wanted to keep working. There had been a bombing of the Math Department at Wisconsin around that time - with loss of life - and so everyone was on edge. At first we thought that a bomb had been set off, but we later learned that the explosion was the result of an accident in one of the labs. Fortunately no one was in the lab at the time this happened.

Also around that time Mr. B. witnessed, from the top of Kolthoff Hall, what was later characterized as a police riot. The Minneapolis cops beat student demonstrators unmercifully, even if they were just lying on the ground trying to protect themselves. Demonstrators had blocked Washington Avenue and the Minnesota equivalent of rednecks were trying to drive through the demonstrators at high speed - not a pretty sight.

So Mr. Bonzo was pretty pensive and wigged on the way to Coffman Memorial Union to see about a hundred and fifty posters describing the research efforts of BigU undergraduates. Now Mr. Bonzo is a science wienie and nothing cheers him up more than the cultural and practical implications of science, particularly chemistry and crystallography. One of Mr. B's students, Derek Straka, presented on his work doing drug docking on the HIV protease and tyrosine kinase inhibitor systems related to cancer. There were numerous other excellent presentations, many of which Mr. B. could barely understand since he is not a biologist. Chemistry, he can understand. He was impressed by analyses of mercury in locations around the state, because of his interest in the possible connection of mercury to autism. Some other interesting work had to do with biodegradable plastics. Good stuff. Finally he had a nice chat with a young lady who was doing computational chemistry on the sulfuric acid water complex. This work actually has a connection to the real world but it reminded Mr. B. that we used to be a lot more tolerant of stuff that was really "neat," even if it didn't have any practical applications. Mr. B. left Coffman feeling a lot better about life and the future having talked to these wonderful, optimistic, bright students.

He also remembered a science fair - at a lot lower level - that he once attended in Tucson when AlexBonzo was an undergrad English major. There were the usual posters on genetic engineering of cows and so forth. But one kid had studied the effect of wind, dirt, and sand, on the shape of raindrops as they fell from different heights. Either the kid had a very smart teacher or (s)he was quite creative. Another kid tried to answer one of Mr. B's favorite questions: What's the right one, baby? He went to the dump and counted Coke and Pepsi cans. In the end a lot of science is not rocket science. It consists of having an idea and doing experiments to confirm or refute that idea. Once you understand the game, you really can't lose. And often if you refute your own idea, you have to come up with a better explanation. Success in doing this is incredibly satisfying if your mind is bent in the Bonzo way.

As Nabokov said in his Lectures on Literature:

After all, there are other thrills in other domains: the thrill of pure science is just as pleasurable as the pleasure of pure art. The main thing is to experience that tingle in any department of thought or emotion.

An oddly peaceful Bonzo after a hard day at BigU

And Now the Inevitable Copy-Cat Phase...

EMERGENCY ANNOUNCEMENT University of Minnesota (April 18, 2007)

Seven buildings on the East Bank campus are in the process of being evacuated due to a bomb threat. They include: Kohltoff, Smith, Frasier, Johnston and Morrill Halls as well as Walter Library and the Science Classroom Building. All classes and meetings in these buildings have been canceled for the remainder of the day. Students are asked to return to their residence halls or their off-campus housing. Please do not congregate in the Mall area.

Mr. Bonzo has not been so wigged since an explosion - initially, but incorrectly, thought to be a bomb - went off while he was TA'ing a chemistry lab during the anti-war protests of the early seventies...

BigTime Athletics - PROFANE (Michael R. Davidson)
EXPOSING THE WORST IN INTERCOLLEGIATE ATHLETICS. CELEBRATING THE BEST.

A new blog made of the right stuff has appeared. A sample follows:

Monday, April 16, 2007
Grats to the Nittany Lions/Graduation Rates

Many congratulations to the Nittany Lions of Penn State on making the home advantage stick, and taking their NCAA-high 12th National Championship in Men’s Gymnastics. They defeated Oklahoma, Stanford, Michigan, Illinois and Minnesota in the team finals at State College on Friday. This came on the same weekend when police descended upon the campus to interview football players suspected in a burglary and assault. No points for guessing which story received more press.

Penn State also commands a respectable 78% graduation rate in NCAA sports ‘Other’ than Baseball, Basketball, Cross-Country/Track, and Football. It is no great shock that Stanford is tops amongst the participating teams at 89%, followed by Illinois and Michigan at 88% and 81% respectively. Minnesota at 61% and Oklahoma at 60% post respectable graduation rates, but considering the shenanigans that continue to proceed in both athletics departments, it is not surprising that they lag the other schools.

Mr. B. will be following this site with great interest. Hopefully the Athletic Department at BigU will also give it some attention.

My first PhD student was an undergrad at Virginia Tech. Our flags are at half staff at BigU.

A still stunned Bonzo

Valuing Honesty
OurLeader’s State of the University Address

From an Editorial in the Minnesota Daily today:

April 13, 2007

Valuing Honesty in State of the U

The University address should be honest and open and should address problems we face.

Last week, University President Bob Bruininks gave his State of the University address at Coffman Union.

He began his speech by speaking of the challenges of the 21st century and the University's three-fold mission that is inscribed on Northrop Auditorium.

Many such addresses ignore problems and issues, and sway toward optimistic outlooks and inspiring words alone. However, it can often be more valuable for the speaker to remain honest and address problems the institution or organization is facing head-on, especially in regards to solutions to these problems.

In his speech, Bruininks did this a few times.

The rest of the time, he focused on the University's plan to become one of the top three public research universities in the world, on how the incoming 2010 class is the best-prepared in history, on University partnerships, on the coordinate campuses and how well they're doing, on the University's academic goals and on our "exceptional faculty and staff," to name a few topics.

The value of an address such as this is apparent. It's meant to be informational and uplifting, but we do believe that University community members receive the most value from openness and honesty, especially when tackling tough subjects such as the problems the University is facing.

Mr. Bonzo has earlier addressed some of these tough subjects. Previous relevant posts include: Speaking of Rankings and OurLeader Gives 2007 State of the University Address, Ambitious Aspirations to Greatness or Can BigU become GreatBigU?

Further relevant rants include: It's the Ick Factor and Photoshop Manipulation of Scientific Illustrations and One Can Only Marvel.

Perhaps OurLeader can speak to some of these issue in next year's State of the University of Minnesota address?

Ciao,
Bonzo

Image is All?
Further Bumps on the Road to (Football) Greatness

Mr. Bonzo hates to kick our boys while they are down... But he would feel negligent after posting earlier on this topic if he did not post the start of an article from today’s Daily.


April 12, 2007

U football program battles bad image

Recent allegations of a rape and a new recruit's suspension soured the new coach's arrival

By Mark Remme

Just one week ago, optimistic talk surrounded the Minnesota football team.

After all, first-year coach Tim Brewster's motivational tactics, such as bringing in former Gophers standouts and clumps of sod from the Rose Bowl in Pasadena, made team members comment about a new attitude and swagger surrounding the program.

But the encouraging signs soon gave way to controversy.

After three players were arrested on Friday in relation to an alleged sexual assault, and news broke that 2006 recruit Robert McField pleaded guilty to two reduced counts of second-degree robbery and one count of armed criminal action, a less flattering image is surrounding the new-look Gophers.

Kurt Vonnegut gone
Mr. Bonzo is feeling old, very, very, old.

On Saturday night, Mr. and Mrs. Bonzo stepped out to the Heights to see a wonderful movie, "The Lives of Others," which got the Academy Award this year for best foreign film. The film is in German with subtitles. If you have ever taken German in college, you will love it. Very highly recommended. Mr. B., having had a birthday recently, got his first senior citizen discount to see the movie. But tonight, reading CNN, he got a further jolt about his limited time on the earth with CNN’s announcement that his second god (Shakespeare is first) had departed.

Vonnegut was born on Nov. 11, 1922, in Indianapolis, a "fourth-generation German-American religious skeptic Freethinker," and studied chemistry at Cornell University before joining the Army.

Ah, chemistry, it doesn’t get any better than this.

Mr. Bonzo will never forget Slaughterhouse-Five or the story (Cat's Cradle) about Ice Nine - a polymorphic form of ice that was stable above 0 (C) or 32 (F). His brother worked for GE and knew a thing or two about polymorphism. Kurt knew chemistry from his Cornell days, of which I was unaware until today. Vonnegut also worked briefly as a GE flack. I gather he did not like it.

Requiescant in pace, Kurt Vonnegut.

A sad Bonzo, who is grateful that people like Vonnegut exist and write to inspire us.

The evil that men do...
A new collection of Primo Levi stories on the twentieth anniversary of his death

Life causes all of us temporary bouts of cynicism. Even Shakespeare succumbed: “The evil that men do lives after them; the good is oft interred with their bones.”

Mr. Bonzo had a hard day. The forces of evil at BigU today manifested themselves in their full horror. But then a Turner-like moment occurred, a new Levi collection of stories. This review has some problems, but its appearance is a sign from God or Nature, depending on your persuasion, that ars is, indeed, longa:

Primo Levi's Defiance
Books

By ADAM KIRSCH
April 4, 2007

Born in Turin in 1919, Levi earned a doctorate in chemistry and spent most of his life as an industrial chemist, helping to formulate enamels and varnishes. Before 1943, he had done little more than dabble in writing, and if his life had continued on its normal course, it is possible that he would have remained a literary amateur.

But at the end of that year, as every reader of Levi's great memoirs will remember, he and the other members of his hapless partisan group were surprised in the mountains and taken prisoner. In the past, Fascist Italy had shown little interest in Nazi-style racism, and even when it followed Germany in promulgating anti-Semitic edicts, they were enforced without fervor. But now, with the northern part of the country under German occupation, the SS had a free hand in dealing with Italy's Jews. In February 1944, Levi and the other 600 Jews at the prison camp in Fossoli were loaded on transports to Auschwitz. Five hundred of them — the old and sick, women and children — were gassed immediately on arrival. Of the remaining able-bodied men, about 20 survived until the end of the war.

Levi was one of the survivors, making it back to Turin and his family at the end of 1945. He went back to work in a factory, resuming as best he could the interrupted course of his professional career. But what really possessed him, as he would later explain in "The Periodic Table," was an overwhelming need to write. "The things I had seen and suffered were burning inside of me. … I felt like Coleridge's Ancient Mariner, who waylays on the street the wedding guests going to the feast, inflicting on them the story of his misfortune."

"By writing," he remembered, "I found peace for a while and felt myself become a man again." This was the crucial step that turned Levi from a victim of the Holocaust to its chronicler and interpreter, and thus, in some small metaphorical way, its master.

The book that resulted from Levi's first burst of recollection was "If This Is a Man" (its unfortunate American title is "Survival in Auschwitz"), brought out by a small Italian publisher in 1947. At the time, with Europe still recovering from the war, the book made little impact, selling just 1,500 copies. Not until 1958, when it was republished by Einaudi, did "If This Is a Man" begin its life as one of the best-known and most powerful documents of the Holocaust. It was this delayed success, Levi once said, that allowed him to "see a future for my writing." It gave him the confidence to produce his second book — "The Truce" (known in America as "The Reawakening"), a sequel to "If This Is a Man" that told the story of Levi's trek home from Auschwitz.

Even as his reputation grew, however, Levi continued to work as a chemist. It was not until 1975, when his memoir "The Periodic Table" won prizes and acclaim in Italy, that he was able to retire from the factory and write full-time. In his last decade, he produced his fourth major work, "The Drowned and the Saved," a reconsideration of the Holocaust from a distance of 40 years. Yet his other writing — a novel, short stories, newspaper articles — never won as high a reputation as his memoirs. Even today, 20 years after his death — whose anniversary comes on April 11 — we tend to think of Levi not as a writer who had been through the Holocaust, but as a Holocaust writer.

The publication of a new collection of Levi's short stories, "A Tranquil Star" will not do much to change that; but to admirers of Levi's major works, it will nonetheless come as an unexpected gift. The book includes 17 stories, most of them about five pages long, that have never before appeared in English. A handful are directly autobiographical, based on episodes that Levi went on to treat at greater length in other works. The majority, however, are parables in a science fiction vein, little provocations that sometimes connect to Levi' s largest themes.

Readers of "The Periodic Table" will find the first two stories in "A Tranquil Star" familiar. "The Death of Marinese" is a brief, realistic narrative of a captured partisan's last moments, as he works up the nerve to pull the pin from his captors' hand grenade. It is a wishfully heroic variation on Levi's own experience. Writing about his capture in "The Periodic Table," he recalls, "I could easily have lifted the safety pin [of his guard's grenade], pulled the cord, and done away with myself and several of them, but I didn't have the courage." Marinese has that kind of courage; but, of course, his glorious death means that he never has to test the different kind of courage, moral and psychological as well as physical, that Levi displayed in Auschwitz.

The second story, "Bear Meat," is the tale of a mountain climb gone wrong, spoken here by an anonymous narrator by a campfire; but readers of "The Periodic Table" know it is Levi's own story. Getting lost at night on a freezing mountainside, for Levi, was a frightening but necessary trial, an early proof of his ability to survive. "Eating bear meat" is his friend's slang expression for being in trouble, but it is the kind of trouble that is good for you: "the taste of being strong and free, which means free to make mistakes."

[A link to the story in the New Yorker]

The best stories, however, use this sort of far-fetched premise to explore deeper, more searching questions. "In the Park," the longest piece in the book, is a jaunty description of a heaven where literary characters go after their authors die. Levi pokes gentle fun at literature's preference for the unusual, in landscape and in character. In this heaven there are several spectacular sunsets a night, and "you'll look in vain for a plumber, an electrician, a welder, a mechanic, or a chemist, and I wonder why."

But Levi has something more serious in mind when, in a list of the inhabitants of the "park" — "Kim with his sword, Iphigenia in Aulis," and so on — he includes Mordo Nahum, whom readers of "The Truce" will remember as the Greek black marketeer Levi encounters after leaving Auschwitz. If you put a real person in a book, Levi leaves us to wonder, do you somehow falsify him? And if posterity lets the book be forgotten, does that mean that the original might as well never have lived? It is a question that Levi, who spent his life memorializing "the drowned" of Auschwitz, must have asked himself many times. It seems typical of the man that he would ask it in such a playful and genial story. Here, as in all his work, Levi believed that writing must confront the most painful subjects, but never surrender to them.

A tribute to Primo Levi will take place tomorrow at 7 p.m. in the South Court Auditorium of the New York Public Library. Joan Acocella, Alessandra Bastagli, Ruth Franklin, Ann Goldstein, and Mr. Kirsch will speak about Levi's legacy, as well as discuss the stories collected in "A Tranquil Star." The actress Maria Tucci will also read from the collection.

So perhaps Shakespeare, Mr. Bonzo’s god, was correct after all. “Oft” is not the same as always and exceptions to generalization are crucial.

A sad but comforted Bonzo.

Speaking of Rankings -
(Or not Speaking If You Are OurLeader)

The First Annual BonzoSummary (BS08) of BigU's Progress Toward Greatness

The US News 2008 Edition of America’s Best Graduate Schools (2008 ed.) has appeared. [The numbering scheme is a little odd, because the report issues in 2007 for data that was presumably collected in 2006. But we will stick with the US News numbering scheme.] These are the rankings that university administrators like to dismiss as meaningless - except of course, if their school does well, then the rankings are very informative or even valuable research. A perceptive article on this topic, "Law Deans Hate Rankings, Love Ranks," has appeared in the Pioneer Press.

The Annual BonzoSummary (BS) will keep track of how BigU progresses along the road to greatness as we are re-engineered, er transformed, into GreatBigU. This will serve to monitor our progress toward becoming one of the three top public research universities in the world.

Disclaimer: The BonzoSummary will track medical schools, law schools, business schools, and engineering schools. There is (quite) a bit more to a university than these parts, but it is unlikely that one will be in the “top three” without strong performance in these areas. Having said this, some of the best universities in the world do not have medical schools, e.g., Caltech and MIT - despite what the Arizona/Florida rankings claim.

Engineering
University of Minnesota - tied for 23 overall
U.S. public universities above us:

3. Berkeley
4. Georgia Tech
5. Illinois
9. Michigan
11. Texas
12. Purdue
13. UCSD
14. Texas A&M, Wisconsin (tie)
16. UCLA, Maryland (tie)
19. UC Santa Barbara
21. Penn State
23. Minnesota, Washington (tied)

Thirteen public research universities ahead of us in Engineering

Schools of Business
University of Minnesota - tied for 25th overall
U.S. public university business schools above us:

8. Berkeley
11. Michigan
12. Virginia
16. UCLA
18. Texas, North Carolina (tied)
22. Ohio State, Purdue (tied)
24. Indiana
25. Georgia Tech, Maryland, Minnesota (tied)

So in the US there are 9 public university business schools ahead of us.

Schools of Medicine
Research
Minnesota - tied for 39

5. UCSF
6. Washington
10. Michigan
13. UCLA
14. UCSD
15. Pittsburgh
19, UT Southwestern
20. University of North Carolina
23. University of Virginia, University of Colorado (tied)
27. University of Alabama/Birmingham, University of Wisconsin (tied)
30. University of Iowa
31. Ohio State
32. Oregon
39. University of Minnesota

Fifteen above us in research

Medical Schools - Primary Care
University of Minnesota - 13 overall

Above us

1. University of Washington
2. North Carolina
3. Colorado
4. Oregon
5. Michigan State
6. East Carolina
7. Vermont
8. UCSF
9. Wisconsin
10. Nebraska
11. U Mass
13. Minnesota

Eleven above us

Law Schools
University of Minnesota - tied for 20 overall
Higher Ranked Public Universities

8. Berkeley, Michigan (tied)
10. Virginia
15. UCLA
18. Texas
20. University of Minnesota

Five above us

So what's it all about (Alfie)?

It should be painfully obvious by now that the administration declared goal of being one of the top three research universities in the world is inappropriate, given any reasonable estimate of our current ranking against US institutions. The "whole world" part smacks of hubris and just makes things worse. Sure one can argue that these rankings don't mean anything or that there are better rankings (Arizona/Florida, anyone?). However, the US News ranking is very important and is consulted by students and faculty for unbiased information about relative strengths of graduate programs. Google "university rankings" and see what pops up.

Mr. B. is not particularly upset about these rankings and in some cases they are quite impressive - go Law School ! [BigU's law school has actually gone down one place since last year - but such small fluctuations are meaningless in the rankings game.] There are some hints here as to how we can improve. Perhaps we should consider them rather than going off on a vainglorious crusade to becoming one of the "top three research universities in the world?"

It will be interesting to see how things progress at BigU in the coming decade, the time frame OurLeader has given for BigU's achieving Greatness. The Bonzo Summary (09) will appear next Spring in the third year of the Great March.

More snow, the real thing, is predicted tomorrow at BigU.

Ciao, Bonzo

Big U football players released from jail

From the Strib Website:

3 Gopher players suspected in alleged rape freed from jail

Three University of Minnesota football players suspected of being involved in the alleged rape of an 18-year-old woman are being released from jail today, pending further investigation.

By David Chanen, Star Tribune

Last update: April 09, 2007 – 1:19 PM

Funding Woes - at BigU and Elsewhere
The Disease-Causing Organism is the Federal Government?

From CJ, the Strib Gossip Columnist
(Easter Sunday)

Big exposure for U prof

In the April issue of Men's Health, U pathologist Dr. Leo Furcht essentially says that the disease-causing organism, to so speak, in the U.S. health care system is in Washington, D.C.

It's the federal government. "Federal money? Federal involvement? In the American health care system? Hah!" magazine writer Bob Drury quotes Furcht as saying in the article's first sentences.

Because of a lack of government funding, "the climate for biomedical research is ominous," Furcht told the mag. And our prospects for retaining U.S.-trained docs and researchers, who can return to their native countries where medical science is more of a funding priority, is grim. "If the United States is to retain its preeminent position in biomedical research, we'll need to provide an attractive career path for young people. That's not the case right now," Furcht told the mag.

Drury wrote that Furcht "leans forward in his chair and stares at me, his eyes loaded with thunder" when speaking about the funding woes of established researchers who have made major discoveries.

Mr. B. thanks Mrs. B. for calling this item to his attention. He does not ordinarily read the gossip column.

Happy Easter if that is your persuasion.

A painted Bonzo

OurLeader Gives 2007 State of the University Address
Ambitious Aspirations to Greatness

Mr. B. had hoped to get a transcipt for comment. But tempus fugit and he cannot wait any longer. This article from BigU's website will have to do.

Bruininks delivers State of the U for 2007

By Rick Moore

April 6, 2007

President Robert Bruininks ... used the address to highlight some of the many achievements made across the University system since the strategic positioning initiative was launched two years ago.

The goal of that initiative, to become one of the top three public research universities in the world, is designed to urge all U campuses to live up to their heritage of achievement and public responsibility, he said.

"The good news is that this goal is now well established," Bruininks said. "All of you know it, our supporters are drawn to it, and our peers are taking notice. 'Top three' is aspirational and audacious, but that's not to say it can't be achieved.

Hmm… These words would seem to imply that BigU could become one of the top three public research universities in the world, nicht wahr? Or have I missed something in this statement of ambitious aspirations?

"We must continue to set aggressive goals in critical areas of academic responsibility and to truly measure what we value, but we must not get caught up in rankings or begin 'teaching to the test.' We aspire not to ranking [sic], but to stature--and achieving this aspiration requires a deep and abiding cultural commitment to excellence in everything we do, from the education of our students to advancement of knowledge for the public good."

We aspire not to ranking? If this is so, why does the Provost's office have a whole web page devoted to the topic of "Academic Rankings" which selectively reports ones that are favorable to BigU? How about the US News rankings? How about the Times Higher Education Supplement rankings?

Is OurLeader serious or not about BigU becoming one of the top three public research universities in world? Under which shell does the pea go?If OurLeader is serious then let's all sing "Dream along with me." If this is simply a money extracting ploy, then eventually the university will suffer for this perceived deception even if OurLeader has already parachuted to his hobby-horse riding retirement. It should be noted that BigU already has stature, which is rapidly eroding as the unreality of the top three claim starts to sink in.

Statewide, the U's five campuses and their students are flourishing. The University of Minnesota, Crookston continues to lead the system in online education, Bruininks noted, and recently received the maximum 10-year accreditation from the Higher Learning Commission. At UMD, the Sieur Du Luth Summer Arts Festival has become internationally known for its opera program, with some 120 participants registered this year from Mexico, Europe, and Asia. This fall, Duluth will launch its first-ever doctoral degree, in education. On the Morris campus, student Eagan Heath was recently named a 2007 Truman Scholar, Bruininks said, and last fall UMM's Center for Small Towns and the city of Morris received a national Carter Center Partnership Award for Campus-Community Collaboration.

All of these activities are laudable. But they do not contribute to the University of Minnesota’s becoming one of the top three public research universities in the world. Perhaps this goal should not be a top priority for Coldstate and its citizens?

And the University of Minnesota Rochester continues to expand it academic footprint to meet the education and research needs of southeast Minnesota, building on the U's relationships with Rochester Community and Technical College and Winona State University and its partnership with the Mayo Clinic.

Care should be taken in making grandiose claims about the University of Minnesota Rochester. Given the problems we have with our current funding situation, establishing a new university does not appear to be a very shrewd move and apparently an Iron Range U may be next. But, after all, these are folks who thought tearing down Memorial Stadium was a good idea. We are in the process of paying in excess of 300 million dollars for that mistake.

Despite its many recent successes, the U's path forward is not without obstacles, Bruininks noted.

"All of our aspirations are contingent upon two resources: persistence and funding," he said. "I rank persistence first, most obviously because in this regard we control our own destiny. It is only fair that an institution committed to responsible stewardship would expect to be held accountable by the state and the public. We've identified important strategies that support our view of excellence, but we cannot expect continued investment without continuing reform."

The word reform is currently popular with Administrators at BigU. On her website the medical school dean (of Pepsi-Cola fame) used to call for reform. Judging from recent events, this does not appear to have happened. What exactly is meant by reform? Will it be further ethical training for faculty at the AHC? Will we be cutting the number of administrators or their salaries? The last I heard our president received a rather large salary increase. Resources are clearly going to be a problem at BigU for the foreseeable future. Perhaps we should “elevate those guns a little lower?” Perhaps we should regroup and decide how best to use the limited resources we’ve got, rather than making grand, extravagant or audacious claims?

"Two years ago, I said that Minnesota needs a great research university, and this University truly needs the state of Minnesota," Bruininks added. "I also said that strategic positioning would provide the basis for change and a commitment to excellence worthy of our heritage and our future. "The inscription on Northrop captures this beautifully: It expresses the spirit of a great University, its commitment to excellence, and its service to the greater good. It's a tremendous vision, and I'm humbled by your efforts to attain it--but we clearly still have more work to do."

The inscription reads:

"The University of Minnesota/
Founded in the faith that men are ennobled by understanding/
Dedicated to the advancement of learning and the search for truth/
Devoted to the instruction of youth and the welfare of the state"

It is a wonderful sentiment but subject to diverse interpretation. I don’t see the words “great research university” there. As Shakespeare wrote, approximately, in the Merchant of Venice: "The devil can cite scripture for his own purpose." The last time I had a hard look at the inscription is when I stood outside Morrill Hall and listened to Lou Bellamy and many other articulate people speak in favor of General College. We asked that OurLeader come out for discussion. He did not appear.

At some point serious conversations will need to be held about where we are going. Please let us groundlings know when this happens. Requesting reports that had "deliverables" specified by the administration will not solve our problems.

A StrangeGopher in a strange land (aka Bonzo)

3 Gopher football players accused of sexual assault, suspended

Mr. Bonzo reports from the Associated Press:

By AMY FORLITI Associated Press Writer

Article Last Updated: 04/06/2007 11:37:27 PM CDT

MINNEAPOLIS- Three University of Minnesota football players were in police custody Friday, undergoing questioning after allegations of criminal sexual conduct, the university said in a statement.

Coach Tim Brewster immediately suspended the players until the investigation is complete. The allegations come on the eve of the team's spring intrasquad game.

According to a police report, an 18-year-old woman was raped sometime between late Tuesday and Wednesday morning. The victim, whose name is not being released, was examined at a local hospital.

University Police Chief Greg Hestness said in a statement that his department learned of the allegation early Friday, and the players were being questioned that evening. Once the investigation is complete, he said, the case will be submitted to the Hennepin County attorney for possible charges.

"Obviously, this is disappointing news for any coach to receive," said Brewster. "There is an ongoing investigation and we will cooperate fully with law enforcement on this matter."

This is Brewster's first season as Gophers head coach. He replaced Glen Mason, who was fired after 10 seasons with Minnesota.

Brewster spent the last two seasons as the tight ends coach with the Denver Broncos, and also served as an assistant with the San Diego Chargers and in college under Mack Brown at Texas and North Carolina.

The Gophers spring game is at noon Saturday at the Metrodome.

I think I’ll pass on this…

a depressed Bonzo

-----------update------------

From the Star-Tribune:

Last update: April 07, 2007 – 12:02 AM

Gophers football players arrested in assault case

By Chip Scoggins and Tom Ford, Star Tribune

The Gophers football spring game scheduled for today has been marred by news late Friday night that three players were taken into custody by university police investigating a complaint of criminal sexual conduct.

Brewster did not return messages left on his cell phone Friday night. Gophers athletic director Joel Maturi said he was disappointed by the news but said he needs to gather more information about the incident.

"Obviously we will cooperate fully with the investigation," Maturi said. "We will take the appropriate action once we know more facts about the case."

After police looked into the report, they arrested the players early Friday evening, Wolter said. They were being questioned Friday night.

"After receiving a complaint early this morning, we began an aggressive investigation," said university police Chief Greg Hestness in a written statement. "Three individuals have been taken into custody and our investigation is ongoing. Upon completion of the investigation, the case will be submitted to the Hennepin County attorney for consideration of charges."

This is the first serious incident in Brewster's short tenure, and it is certain to overshadow today's spring game, which the school has dubbed the "Gopher Nation Celebration." The news broke around the same time Brewster held a reunion for a large number of former Gophers players.

--------------update from Pioneer Press-----------

Bail set for U players suspected in rape

Staff Report

Article Last Updated: 04/07/2007 03:23:34 PM CDT

Bail has been set at $100,000 for three University of Minnesota football players jailed on suspicion of rape charges, the Hennepin County Jail reported this afternoon.

As of this morning, the players had not been formally charged with any crime.

The players were arrested Friday on suspicion of raping an 18-year-old, University police said.

Meanwhile, U athletic officials tried not to let news of the arrests infiltrate this afternoon's annual spring scrimmage, in which several thousand alumni and fans turned out at the Metrodome.

Players were told by communications staff not to discuss the situation, which has resulted in suspensions for the three players, and reporters were told that if they raised the issue, interviews would be cut short.

University of Minnesota, Rochester
If you fund it, they will come...

An update on University of Minnesota Rochester from KTTC:

Chris Woodard
KTTC TV
Updated: April 3, 2007, 5:34 pm

ROCHESTER, MN -- The only thing growing faster than the size of the new University of Minnesota Rochester campus, is the budget they'll need to get it completed.

Hmm... It is growing like Topsy, somehow this is a familiar story.

As UMR's plans change they're asking the city step in and help them foot the bill.

Mr. B. is shocked, shocked.

At the Monday city council meeting the university asked for several million dollars from the city.

It's money the city is willing to spend, even if it's not exactly being used for what it was set aside to do.

UMR Provost David Carl says, "This is going to be a fantastic opportunity for our city."

The Southern Minnesota version of a chopstick factory ?

It's an opportunity that's coming with a price. A few months after construction began the university decided they needed more room.

Carl says, "As we looked at the additional programing opportunities that the university has in Rochester our expectations grew."

Original plans called for the college to take 30-thousand square feet of space at the cities downtown galleria. About a month ago plans changed and they'll now be more than double that size.

Of course more space means more money.

Who would have guessed?

Council member Marcia Marcoux says, "You look at what they're spending to me that means they're doing a first class job."

There is another interpretation possible, and it is not very flattering.

Monday night the city agreed to give the university 4-million dollars to help out with the new and improved plans which include a lot of top line equipment.

That money is coming from the local sales tax fund which was previously established to allow the set-up of a permanent campus.

Marcoux says, " I think there was a little discrepancy as to whether it was to be permanent or whatever but it was to be for the development and I think by that we meant other than just internal, in a small way, on the current campus. So this fits that."

Please tell me what the above crapspeak means. Marcoux blithely dismisses the permanent/temporary distinction with the galling "or whatever."

While the soon to be downtown campus is not permanent, the university has agreed to a series of leases that could keep them there for at least 15 years.

Obvious questions arise. When does temporary become permanent? Does the university just plan to walk away from this increasingly expensive many million dollar investment? Will they give it back to the Galleria? Sell it to the University of Phoenix?

The city is also working on a deal that would give the school 750-thousand dollars in tax abatement funds to cover construction cost's for the building's owner.

As of right now, all construction is on schedule and while a little bigger than planned, the university still plans to be in place by August.

Mr. Bonzo believes that eventually a little leadership is going to be required to extricate ColdState's higher education system from the large hole being dug. This will require a governor - remember Arne Carlson ? - who can take the flack. OurLeader will also have to start being honest with the people and the legislature - remember Mark Yudof ?

Bonzo circuits going down, down. Please do not reboot. Let me recover...

Stem Cells - A New Sheriff in Town ?
BigU lures Jonathan Slack from Bath

The Star-Tribune reports on a new faculty member at BigU:

Last update: April 04, 2007 – 9:32 PM

'Headless frog' scientist to lead U stem cell efforts

By Maura Lerner, Star Tribune

Ten years ago, British scientist Jonathan Slack set off an international furor when he told a reporter that his lab had created a headless tadpole, and that it might be possible to do the same thing with human embryos.

This week, the university announced that Slack, 57, had been named head of its stem cell program after 11 years at the University of Bath in England.

A widely respected biologist and author, Slack is best known for his pioneering work on turning liver cells into pancreas cells (a potential treatment for diabetes). And for his studies on how animals (tadpoles) regenerate limbs.

The university saw him as dynamic enough to replace the institute's internationally known founder, Dr. Catherine Verfaillies, who left as director to return to her native Belgium.

Eventually, the furor died down, but not before facing criticism around the world. At one point, he even removed his nameplate from his parking space, fearing an attack from animal rights activists. Arthur Caplan, a medical ethicist and former University of Minnesota professor, and J. Craig Venter, a prominent genetic scientist, upbraided him in Science magazine for unleashing a "torrent of silliness" about a "ridiculous" idea.

Mr. B. trusts that Dr. Slack has learned his lesson. The MCCL folks in ColdState as well as the state legislature and the animal rights terrorists can be extremely troublesome. Dr. Slack will need to have a good command of administratese in order to stay out of trouble. Let's hope that he does not get out of the bath and into the frying pan.

Ciao,

Bonzo

A New Home on the Range for BigU ?

Now that the University of Minnesota, Rochester, has been such a stunning success, a state legislator wants to establish yet another U. (YAU)

The Daily reports:

April 4, 2007

Range campus possible

A state representative hopes to forge a graduate mining program on the Iron Range.

By Karlee Weinmann

Rep. Tom Rukavina, DFL-Virginia, wants to establish a postsecondary presence on northern Minnesota's Iron Range ... Rukavina said he wants to see greater use of the area's mining resources for programs focusing on graduate study in areas of mining, metallurgical engineering and bioenergy, among others.

"I want to utilize the resources we have up here," he said. "It's really about the wealth we have - natural resource-based wealth."

[Uh-huh, that's why Rudy Perpich, in the IRRB days of yesteryear, built a now defunct five million dollar chopstick factory on the Range (Hibbing) that went belly up.]

In a bill set for presentation this legislative session, Rukavina proposes a viability study to assess the demand of students and employers for higher education in the area, which extends from Grand Rapids to Ely. The study would require $300,000 in state funding, and completion is slated for Jan. 15 of next year. [Well at least initially that's less than the chopstick factory but you can be sure that it will grow, just like Topsy.]

Rukavina said plans for an Iron Range campus would follow a course similar to the University's Rochester campus. Ideally, there would be a centralized facility, as in Rochester, with others joining to ease on-site research.

[If the Republicans in Southern Minnesota can have their U, then I guess the Dems on the Range should get one too - fair is fair, you roll my log and I'll roll yours, nicht wahr ?]

"I envision the MnSCU system cooperating with the University of Minnesota and maybe even some other private higher education facilities," he said.

[I'll just bet that if the spigot can be turned on at the legislature, the administrators will all gather together at the river of money that runs through Morrill Hall and sing Kumbaya while the checks are cut.]

Already-established research programs would provide unparalleled research opportunities, Rukavina said. Current research in the region includes projects at the Tower-Soudan mine and the Duluth campus's Natural Resources Research Institute mineral analysis laboratory in Coleraine. The Soudan Underground Laboratory, housed in the mine, falls within the borders of Rukavina's congressional district. [What a coincidence..]

In 1980, physics professor Marvin Marshak began conducting physics experiments in the laboratory. Since then, the facility has become more comprehensive and renowned. Marshak said Rukavina has been a longtime supporter of his research initiatives, but he is unsure of the feasibility of Rukavina's plans.

[Whoops! How ungrateful of Professor M. Doesn't he know how this game is played ?]

"I think it is true that mining engineering programs in U.S. universities have been shutting down or downsizing," he said. "A lot of this has to do with a lack of student interest." The University's civil engineering department formerly contained a mineral engineering group which disbanded several years ago. Marshak attributed the program's demise to low enrollment stemming from heightened interest in emerging computer-based engineering fields.

[And as if that weren't enough, professor M issues the ultimate insult to former miners at home on the Range. As an aside, when Mr. B. worked at the pilot plant in the Mining - with real engineers - we didn't sit in our offices either.]

"Engineers today do computer stuff; they sit in nice offices," Marshak said. "Mining is messy and dirty and hard physical work even [sic] for the engineers." [Ouch, that hurt! Professor M speaks here like an elitist physics professor. Could this be?]

Marvelous Marvin is the new czar for undergraduate research at BigU - I’m sure he knows that with BigU’s limited resources, we don’t need yet another U. (YAU) If we don't need General College, we certainly don't need YAU.

An amazed Mr. Bonzo writes from BigU where the search for greatness on a shoestring becomes daily more bizarre and our few remaining M&Ms are being gobbled up by hungry administrators and politicians.

It's the [Quality of the] People...
Our Leader Still Doesn't Get It

Today the Daily had a Q&A with OurLeader. This feature (a feature not a bug) has the lame title: "Rappin' with Robert."

When asked about Mark McCahill's leaving he responded:

"I think there are many more examples of ... people being hired at the University of Minnesota than there are people leaving for other ... postions."

At least that is the italicized capsule used by the Daily in the print edition.

Now this may or may not be true. Data on this point is hard to come by. People leave the Medical School and no one ever hears about it. We had an expert on blood coagulation leave about a year ago and Mr. Bonzo never learned about it until recently when he tried to contact the guy and learned that he had gone. We've had people (numerous) leave for the Mayo Clinic, University of Virginia, Cleveland Clinic, University of Cincinnati, University of North Carolina, Emory University, and even Harvard. [Given where they go, I think this is a good reflection on the people who are here, but that is another story.] And these are only folks known to Mr. Bonzo in his miniscule little sliver of acquaintances in the MedSchool at BigU. It would be very interesting to see a list of those that have left the Medical School and those that have come, say, in the last year.

But let's take a real example. Chemistry lost two senior faculty to Ohio State. Both of them, I think, would classify as top shelf chemists. We lost another one last year to Wisconsin. Before that we lost two [sic] to Texas. Both of these last folks are National Academy quality and one of them has in fact been elected to the National Academy since leaving. Now chemistry has made new hires. Many of them look outstanding. But, based on the ugly funding situation and other factors, probably not all of them will achieve tenure and there is no guarantee that any of them will achieve the stature of those who have left. [Full disclosure - Bonzo got his PhD from this Department and it pains him to see it being robbed.]

Executive Summary (for OurLeader):

It's the quality of the people. It's not just the number of them. Losing high quality people like McCahill, or Ed Prescott [Nobel Prize, economics], or Paul Barbara [National Academy], is seriously affecting any prayer that we might have of remaining an outstanding state university, let alone becoming one of the "top three public research universities in the world."

Waiting for OurLeader to awaken, I remain your faithful servant,
Bonzo

Mr. Bonzo Blows It
Apologies to the Pioneer Press

We are lucky in GemCities to have two good newspapers, the Star-Tribune (Minneapolis) and the Pioneer Press (St. Paul).

Actually the Pioneer Press beat the Strib and the Daily to the punch on reporting the McCahill story and part of their account is given below. Way to go Pioneer Press! (Mr. Bonzo thanks a friend for pointing this out.)

University Of Minnesota / Internet pioneer making move to Duke faculty
U researcher helped create Gopher system and early home e-mail

BY PAUL TOSTO and JULIO OJEDA-ZAPATA

Pioneer Press

Article Last Updated:04/02/2007 11:08:35 AM CDT

He coined the term "surfing the Internet." His research helped build the modern Web, search engines and e-mail. But after three decades at the University of Minnesota, world-renowned technology expert Mark McCahill is leaving.

Seeking a fresh challenge but also frustrated by internal issues at the U and erratic public support for higher education, McCahill says he's headed for North Carolina's Duke University, where he will help fashion the next generation of computer networks and 3-D "virtual reality" systems for the Web.

While no researcher is indispensable, McCahill's exit is a blow to the U. He'd been a lifer at the university, earning an undergraduate chemistry degree in 1979 then soon after joining the school's computer center as a programmer.

McCahill even came upon a cool name for this: "surfing," inspired by one of his favorite pastimes, windsurfing on Lake Calhoun in Minneapolis.

McCahill earlier helped to pioneer the now-common practice of downloading e-mail via desktop software and to create one of the first such programs, POPmail.

E-mail was a foreign concept to most at the U, but McCahill and his "insurgent" team popularized it by "sneaking it into people's offices under the radar of the existing systems organization," O'Connor recalled. "He gave all the big kids accounts and said, 'Try this thing, and you'll like it.' " Pretty soon, he said, e-mail was everywhere on campus.

The U has touted McCahill's work in its "Did You Know?" series of great accomplishments, alongside Minnesota giants like Norman Borlaug, father of the "Green Revolution," and C. Walton Lillehei, a creator of the first heart-lung machine.

"Right now, the big project for the computer people at the U is replacing the financial system," he said, referring to a huge, years-long multimillion-dollar internal project. "It sucks down loads of attention and resources. ... It's a sign of where some of the priorities are," he said. "If the focus is going to be on a financial system, to get that out the door. ... I'm 51. I don't want to wait for the focus to shift to (developing) learning and collaborative systems."

He says he also has been frustrated that "the university has been getting starved slowly by the Legislature. I've been here 27 years, the level of state support for the university keeps eroding. That stuff gets old after awhile."

As he leaves for one of the world's most prestigious private universities, McCahill says big public schools like the U need to be wary. With their financial strength, "places like Duke can do what they want. But if those are the only guys doing the cool interesting stuff, the big publics are going to be left out in the cold.

"The U needs to be very careful about that sort of stuff. Nobody went to the U because of the administrative systems. They went because of the faculty and research that happens here."

Amen, brother...

Mr. B.

And Another One Bites the Dust…
An Older But Wiser Gopher, Mark McCahill, Hits the Trail

From today’s Star-Tribune:

Duke lures U computer expert away
Mark McCahill grew impatient with the ups and downs of public funding.

By Steve Alexander, Star Tribune

Mark McCahill, a researcher who helped make the Internet more usable in its early days, is leaving the University of Minnesota for Duke University because the private school can better fund his computer research.

"The U of M needs to do well with the Legislature to get research funds, and it's been up and down," McCahill said. Overall, state funding for the university has declined significantly since he was a chemistry student in the late 1970s, he said.

"We're sorry to see him go, but his offer from Duke is a great opportunity, and he'll continue to be a constructive force in higher education," said university spokesman Daniel Wolter. "Many of his frustrations are understandable, as these haven't been easy times." The U has been forced to divert its available funds to other computer projects, such as upgrading its financial systems, he said.

That would be PeopleSoft and Forms Nirvana?

Now an assistant director in the U's academic and distributed computing services with no teaching duties, McCahill says his new title will be "architect of 3-D learning and collaborative systems." He will start at Duke, in Durham, N.C., later this month.

It isn't the first time he has done cutting-edge computer research. In the early 1990s he helped develop the Gopher server, an early gateway to the Internet that made it easy to search for information by typing in text.

Gopher lost out to the World Wide Web (www for short) in 1994 because Gopher dealt only in information, while the Web combined information and advertising, McCahill said. A budget crunch worsened the situation because it forced the university to sell Gopher software to corporations, while the competing World Wide Web software was being given away.

"If we had had more resources, I think we could have given the Web guys a run for it," McCahill said. "But we'll never know."

"There have been fascinating technical challenges and great people to work with at the U of M," McCahill said. "But as you get older you get less patient about wanting to get important things done. You realize there's only so much time left in your work life."

As Mr.Bonzo has pointed out before, if we can’t keep the good people we’ve got, how are we ever going to become one of the three top public research universities in the world?

Speaking of Stem Cells
Cheese State Takes a Potential Hit from the Feds

The Milwaukee Journal Sentinel reports:

Preliminary decision against UW may set up years-long legal battle

By JOHN SCHMID
jschmid@journalsentinel.com
Posted: April 2, 2007

The U.S. Patent and Trademark Office has issued a preliminary rejection of three key stem-cell patents owned by the University of Wisconsin-Madison, setting up a legal battle with potentially big economic and psychological ramifications for the state's biotech economy.

The Wisconsin Alumni Research Foundation, the licensing arm of the university, vowed to appeal the ruling in every venue at its disposal, even if the dispute drags out in federal courts for years.

The agency acted in response to complaints from two public-interest foundations, which alleged in July that the patents are so broadly written that they give WARF potential to reap royalties from a broad range of stem cell-related treatments. In their complaint, the Foundation for Taxpayer and Consumer Rights in Santa Monica, Calif., and the Public Patent Foundation in New York also argued that UW-Madison researcher James Thomson was not the first to isolate human embryonic stem cells, therefore diluting the propriety of his 1998 work.

The groups say WARF's control of the technology discourages potentially lifesaving research by imposing licensing costs and drives stem-cell work abroad to places where WARF's patents are not recognized.

At stake for WARF is a potential loss of royalty revenue if both the agency and courts uphold the preliminary rejection.

A repeal also could dampen the excitement associated with research that has drawn hundreds of millions of dollars of investment and research funding to Madison, elevating the university town to one of the world's pre-eminent biotech hubs.

John Simpson, an official at the Santa Monica consumer rights group, was jubilant over the preliminary outcome.

"This is a great day for scientific research," Simpson said in a statement released late Monday. "The patents should never have been issued in the first place."

The final outcome is far from decided. The agency gave WARF two months to prepare a response.

There's no doubt the case will attract attention until it's resolved.

Goaded by Gov. Jim Doyle, Madison has made biotech the center of its economic growth strategy, putting it in competition with biotech centers from Boston to Singapore. Californians voted in November to fund $3 billion of embryonic stem cell research in their state over the next decade.

And embryonic stem cells by their nature have become lightning rods of controversy. Research in many cases means destruction of human embryos, raising heated arguments over ethical issues.

Mr. Bonzo thanks a colleague for calling this article to his attention. WARF - the Wisconsin Alumni Research Foundation - over the years has been a major contributor to scientific research funding at Wisconsin. The financial implications of invalidating the stem cell patents are very serious. The question of whether patents are good for innovation as well as the effect of the Bayh-Dole amendment on university research will be discussed in the future.

a stunned Mr. Bonzo